Charged by a rush of motivation; I think I’ll write today. I’ve finished that shoulder-aching lab report(which is absolutely fascinating) so I’ll write about what’s new. It just happens to be a coincidence-that the guy I’m obsessing over; who I describe all the time; completed another year around the sun; he turned 17 today. He looked especially gorgeous when I saw him at breakfast today, I awkwardly avoided him while he looked straight at me with that innocent grin and said, “Hey, Abha.” I said hi and happy birthday and when I wished him, his smile was this whole new level of charisma.
Birthdays are fascinating. On an everyday, superficial level, people wish you, you blow out candles on the birthday cake, you get money from your grandparents(the best part!) and if you’re at a school like mine, your Facebook profile gets stalked for creating your birthday video which gets shown during dinner. When you turn a year older, people hug you and wish you and pay attention to you. On that one special day. They’re also an indication of time passing; when you think, damn, last year I got that much money, that’s what happened, she’s who wished me, and all that. And before you know it, you’re 16. Which was what happened to me when I magically found out where I was where life had taken me. 16 feels like life, like death, like adventure and pushing yourself, expanding your boundaries and still staying in touch, growing your branches but staying grounded to your roots. It’s like listening to an old song and remembering old friends, family, a long road journey and good food, a particular night or a certain flavour, but listening to a newly released song as well and creating all those memories by yourself.
I know how amazing my school is. I don’t know where I’ll go for university, how long I’ll stay in touch with my old, and new friends, how many new people I’ll meet, and if I’ll ever do anything overly liberal like getting a tattoo, piercing or hair dyed(I’ve got this badass crazy Australian friend who’s done all 3). I don’t know if I’ll ever experience waking up next to someone(Alert: sexual reference) or having kids, going skydiving or having my own Bergamasco sheepdog(That’s on my bucket list for sure) but I know that if I ever experience any of these things, I’ll look back at high school and reflect on the amazing changes that have happened. I’ll speak near-fluent Japanese(hopefully) and can travel anywhere around Japan by myself; have so many friends, on and off Facebook, and would have instagram flooded with life’s memories. That’s a life I want to lead.
The other day I was listening to this song ‘Wake me up’ that spoke of a guy who said he was too young, inexperienced, and gave a message of waking up when it’s over, when I’m wiser and older, when the world’s changed, and he says, “I wish that I could be forever this young” which resonates with me the most. I always listen to it on the train from Tokyo; and that’s how I feel time passing, by looking at the view of Japanese grasslands, bonsais and local mechanic stores to ramen and sushi stores, tall glossy buildings and incredible organisation of the city.
Birthdays are amazing-but with the philosophy, time’s passing. And I feel it all the time; having the thrill of rush, attention, eagerness and obsession, but sitting on a train alone and waiting for the future is possibly the best way I get to know and explore myself; with possibly a new meaning of discovery and learning.